WINNER OF THE CHAIN LETTER OF THE WEAK AWARD

Dear___________[insert name of victim here] Hello my name is Ima Doofus. I am suffering from several rare and deadly diseases, poor scores on final exams, extreme unwanted virginity, poor hygiene habits, a toaster that won't, a sister who is a whore, [Juana Duit], Malaria, Jungle Rot, bad complexion, A car that ONLY goes in reverse, SEVERE ACNE, between my toes, dysfunctional pubic hair, dysfunctional pubic EVERYTHING, and, fear of being kidnapped and executed by anal electrocution. I also suffer the guilt of not having forwarded 50 billion fucking chain letters sent to me by people who actually believe that if you send them on, a poor little 6 year old girl in Arkansas with a breast on her forehead and a leg coming out of her ear will be able to raise enough money to have them removed BEFORE her redneck parents sell her to a travelling freak show. Do you honestly believe that Bill Gates is going to give you, and everyone else to whom you send his e-mail $1000? or $10,000? How stupid are we? Hmmmmm... [It's a RHETORICAL question...grr] "WHOOOOOOOOOOOO HOOOOOOOO, LOOKIE HERE MARY! If I scroll down this page and make a wish, I'll get laid by every model in Playboy!" What a load of bullshit! Basically, this message is a big FUCK YOU to all the people out there who have nothing better to do than to sit around making up these stupid chain mail forwards. Maybe the EVIL CHAIN LETTER LEPRECHAUNS will come into my dwelling and sodomize me in my sleep HMMM>.. grrr ok.... or hook electrodes to my thin but adorable frame and devastatingly lovely butt, and zap me up into some alien craft for carnal exploration by a group of......... .. [wait, hmmm that actually happened... *BIG SMILE*] ANYWAY!...... to probe, plunder, and pillage, AND, to perpetrate MAJOR NASTIES about my personhood>>> FOR... the reason of MY.... NOT FORWARDING a chain letter that was started in the year 5 AD by some itinerant fisherman named Peter and brought to America by the pilgrims on the Mayflower and which, if it makes it to the year 2007, will be in the Guinness Book of World Records for the longest streak of BLATANT STUPIDITY known to mankind! Fuck them! If you are going to forward something, at least send me something mildly amusing. I've seen all the "send this to 50 of your closest friends, and this poor wretched excuse for a human being will somehow receive 5 cents from some omniscient being" forwards about 900 times. I DON'T FUCKING CARE! Show a little intelligence and think about what you're actually contributing to by sending out these forwards. Chances are it's your own unpopularity. Do you really think that if you forward a message to ten unlucky people that you will get to see a funny video on your screen? WAKE UP PEOPLE!. The point being? If you get some chain letter that's threatening to leave you shagless, luckless, or BRAIN DEAD for the rest of your life, DELETE IT! If you think that by forwarding ENOUGH of them, I will like you any better, I don't think THAT is going to do it either! . If it's FUNNY, by all means.. send it on. YEH.. love the funny stuff.. HELL, I like YOU! But, DON'T piss people off by making them feel guilty about a leper in Botswana with no teeth who has been tied to a dead elephant for 27 years and whose only salvation lies in the 5 cents per head he'll receive if you forward this e-mail, lest he end up like Martha Stewart Right? [Wait, SHE was on House Arrest, surrounded by opulence, AND people who love her. She, after a penalty phase following a SEVERE lapse of judgement..now has new TV shows.... OK OK, bad example..hehehe] Now, PUT ON A BIG SMILE, and FORWARD THIS TO EVERYONE YOU KNOW! OTHERWISE, tomorrow a band of marauding pygmies will invade your underwear, and, being that they are carnivorous by nature will consume your genitals... but hey, at least THEY might find them tasty!!!.. That is, if you have the $%O(*&% to do so..! HEHEHE~!!! In ALL sincerity, Dustybear... OMG>.what is that SENSATION, in my briefs.. EEEEEEEEEEEEEK! ttys..