BEAR

BEAR
ALWAYS LOOKING FOR TROUBLE

DUSTYBEAR'S LAUGH TRACK

FUNZIES AND LAUGHS...
for the queer eye AND the straight guy

SHORTY IS...

350# WandaMae was walking down the street...behind a midget, when she suddenly sneezed... Causing a horrific backdraft. In trying to regain her balance, she snapped her legs together. THE PROBLEM: was it death by accident or...homicide? Further complicating the matter is the fact that the midget's corpse was smiling. SUICIDE, perhaps? THE TOMBSTONE READS: HERE LIES SHORTY... Y'ALL AIN'T GONNA BULEEEVE THIS SHIT.

JESUS...

Have you met my Rottweiler friend Jesus. He loves to bite butt.

Religious and thrifty he ith too.
JESUS SAVES hith bones. Buries them next to the bodies in the back yard. Cute kid he.

ANYWAY...

Here is the skinny
(Sit down Mary.
When it's your turn I'll call you).

I will make a statement and you fill in the blanks.

SUCH AS:

"There I wath, jest sitting around the cave minding my own business, when____________."

The idea is to supply answers that are INCREDIBLY WITTY. Or, you can just put in your usual crap. LOL.

Okay. Here is the funniest one since the invention of the fake pregnancy pillow for men, (electric vibrator, life-size blow-up doll of Justin Timberlake, the personalizable dart board {Enclose the photo of the victim}, the FAKE 2 ft penith, with directions on installation. Batteries are not included NOR recommended. UL is studying the issue. A coupon for a gallon of KY is included.)


Being Five Comics

MAUKE SEZ: A LAUGH A DAY KEEPS THE MICE AWAY...and he should know...

ALIENS...

Tuesday, June 19, 2007

I BET YOU THOUGHT THAT COPS DON'T HAVE A SENSE OF HUMOR

The following were culled from actual Squad car Video cameras.


#16 "You know, stop lights don't come any redder that the one you just went through."

#15 "Relax, the handcuffs are tight because they're new. They'll stretch after you wear them a while."

#14 "If you take your hands off the car, I'll make your birth certificate a worthless document."

#13 "If you run, you'll only go to jail tired."

#12 "Can you run faster than 1200 feet per second? Because that's the speed of the bullet that'll be chasing you."

#11 "You don't know how fast you were going? I guess that means I can write anything I want to on the ticket, huh?"

#10 "Yes, sir, you can talk to the shift supervisor, but I don't think it will help. Oh, did I mention that I'm the shift supervisor?"

#9 "Warning! You want a warning? O.K., I'm warning you not to do that again or I'll give you ANOTHER ticket."

#8 "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or a dog?"

#7 "Fair? You want me to be fair? Listen, fair is a place where you go to ride on rides, eat cotton candy and corn dogs and step in monkey poop."

#6 "Yeah, we have a quota. Two more tickets and my wife gets a toaster oven."

#5 "In God we trust, all others we run through NCIC."

#4 "Just HOW big were those, 'Just two beers' you say you had?"

#3 "No sir, we don't have quotas anymore. We used to, but now we're allowed to write as many tickets as we can."

#2 "I'm glad to hear that Chief (of Police) Hawker is a personal friend of yours. So you know someone who can post your bail."

#1 "You didn't think we give pretty women tickets? You're right, we don't.

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