A MIND...
is a turrib thing to leave with a Bear...without adequate adult supervision. Hehehe.
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1. If you take an Oriental person and spin him ! around several
times, does he become dis-oriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
Holland called Holes?
3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
5. If a pig loses its voice, is it dis-gruntled?
6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Or those mask things that women wear at night.
7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put
your two cents in .. . what happens to the other penny?
8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
bread to begin with?
10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person
who drives a race car isn't called a racist?
12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English
language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it
follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,
cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
times, does he become dis-oriented?
2. If people from Poland are called Poles, why aren't people from
Holland called Holes?
3. Why do we say something is out of whack? What's a whack?
4. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery?
5. If a pig loses its voice, is it dis-gruntled?
6. If love is blind, why is lingerie so popular? Or those mask things that women wear at night.
7. When someone asks you, "A penny for your thoughts" and you put
your two cents in .. . what happens to the other penny?
8. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
9. Why do croutons come in airtight packages? Aren't they just stale
bread to begin with?
10. When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
11. Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist but a person
who drives a race car isn't called a racist?
12. Why are a wise man and a wise guy opposites?
13. Why do overlook and oversee mean opposite things?
14. Why isn't the number 11 pronounced onety one?
15. "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English
language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?
16. If lawyers are disbarred and clergymen defrocked, doesn't it
follow that electricians can be delighted, musicians denoted,
cowboys deranged, models deposed, tree surgeons debarked, and dry cleaners depressed?
(I just got my dry cleaning back. I know I'M depressed).
17. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for
their final exam.
21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use?
Toothpicks?
22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their
pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them
while they deliver the mail?
23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are
the others here for?
24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
18. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
19. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
20. I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
more as they get older; then it dawned on me - they're cramming for
their final exam.
21. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with tiny little
spoons and forks, so I wondered what do Chinese mothers use?
Toothpicks?
22. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What
are we supposed to do, write to them? Why don't they just put their
pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen can look for them
while they deliver the mail?
23. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are
the others here for?
24. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.
25. Why does the person answering the phone ask if you mind if they put you on hold?
Say yes. You find it deeply offensive.
Okay, then what?
I was thinking back the other day to when I was a little kid...and every night my mother would tuck me in and then we would recite the bedtime prayer...
"Now I lay me down to sleep. I pray the Lord my soul to keep. If I should die before I wake, I pray the...
wait.
If...I...should...WHAT?
wait..wait
HOLD ON JUST A MINUTE HEAH...
Geez.
OKAY. Who thought THAT was a suitable thing to have a child thinking about right at bedtime.
Good grief. That's right up there with Bambi and Dumbo. Cripes."
Ever wonder about those people who spend $2.00 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backwards: NAIVE
OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the
Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans ?
Did you know that there are three immutable religious truths...yep yep:
OK... so if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the "Jags" and the
Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the "Bucs," what does that make the Tennessee Titans ?
Did you know that there are three immutable religious truths...yep yep:
1. Jews do not recognize Jesus as the Messiah.
2. Protestants do not recognize the Pope as the leader of the
Christian faith.
3. Baptists do not recognize each other in the liquor store or at Hooters.
Dustybear 2007
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